Can't come to terms with our loss...

[Maria Trench]

Our beloved Irish Setter Chloe passed on November last, the 6th. She was just short of 11 years old. She collapsed on the Friday morning. Was diagnosed later that day with Immune Mediated Haemolytic Anaemia and sadly passed on Sunday- despite every effort given. We were shocked and broken hearted. She was stunning, joyous, charismatic, playful, intuitive and moreover, my best friend. We have 2 gorgeous little boys and a Beautiul English Setter but yet the tears are still flowing every day. Our English Setter lost also. Her best mate is gone. Our little boys miss her too. Anyone else been through this heartache who may have advice for me? Many thanks

[Jack and Andrea LeStonga]

We lost our sweet boy, Ozzy on November 2, 2011.  He would have been 9 this January 26th.  I know the heartache that you are going through.  Talk about her while remembering fun times and you'll always have her in your heart.  I am truly sorry for your loss.

[rosie beere]

Hi Maria,

I lost my lovely Shepherd on the 6th Oct. 2010, I had jumped breeds from Setters.

Zeta was my world the most loyal beautiful girl. Did I cry every day oh god yes do I still miss her god yes. Then I look at this bundle of energy my Memphis he is starting to take the pain away yet even when I went to collect this amazing puppy I felt so guilty. Time will heal just let the emotions pour out that is the only way  for you to heal.

She will always be with you so don't worry you are not alone in your grief it is so normal.

 

 

[Jennie Benstead]

Hi Maria,

I am so sorry for your lost, you have lost a family member and will grieve the same as losing a human.

Over the years we have lost our dogs each one heart breaking, but last summer was the worse we lost our irish girl at almost 13yrs we were heart broken but to make matters worse our old cross bred girl age 16 went down hill so rapid and we lost her within the next week it was hell  (and the tears are flowing as I type this) we said no more animals because we cant go through that again....But within a week we had a deposit on Riley our young Irish followed by his friend Cassie...Trust me it does get easier enjoy the happy memories..yes there will be tears but thats what we humans do its normal.

It also helps me to have a strong belief in the spirit world and to know that they are not far away ( I am a spiritualist medium) and am luck enough to sense them around.

You are not alone in your grief and it will get easier.

 

[Nardi Rowe]

I am so sorry with your loss.  I lost my best friend, partner and father of my 10 month old daughter from cancer, had to move house to a horrible little house within weeks and then I lost the best dog I have ever bred  within 2 months of losing my partner who'd been my vet since I was 18 yrs old (I was 47 when he died).  The vet's I took Rory to wouldn't do an exploratory investigation as to why his stomach was full of fluid wanting to think it was herititory heart disease and undertaking, useless expensive tests that failed to support their supposition. They refused to listen to me when I told them that his grandfather and great grandfather died in their 17 year and I didn't have these problems in my lines and his mother was 9 yrs of age when she had him.   He was a very healthy, strong young dog not quite 2 yrs of age.  After 3 days of tests when they were finally to do the exploratory surgery next morning, he died overnight.  On  autopsy it was found he died of a perforated duodeum ulcer possibly caused by my partner feeding him chicken and chop bones saying he'd operate if anything went wrong as he didn't follow with the theory they were dangerous.  Rory was the most beautiful of dogs not just in looks but in nature - everything you could ever hope for and what he was put through for the last days of his life is just too terrible to think about.  The pain of his loss is still painful almost 5 years later but it does get better over time.  My advice for what it is worth is to hold dear your precious memories, accept the sadness, have a cry when you need to, it does diminish slowly over the years but will never go away completely.  Life will never be the same but hopefully you will fill the void with others (dogs, friends, new family members) so her loss will move into the past.  As said, there is always the sadness and loss but it won't consume your daily thinking as it does now.  I hope your pain diminishes so you can smile again.  Remember she wouldn't want you hurting this way.

[Sue Paterson]

Grief will take its own time and you will work through it slowly but surely. I'm so sorry to hear how hard it is for you, and I know there are many of us who share those feelings and wonder if it will ever end.

I think what Mel says about making a special time each day for Chloe may help....I go up to our rose garden and touch each one every day...each one has the ashes of a beloved red friend buried with it.

I found writing things down helps too and have written poems to help in times of grief.

I'll share a few lines written two years following the passing of, not a setter, but our beautiful grandson...the feelings, however, could relate to each and everyone of our beautiful boys and girls at Rainbow Bridge:

'The familiar ache of heart and mind

is a backdrop to every day, I find.

On special occasions, there's an increase in pain,

We miss you like crazy, all over again.

But the hardest times of all to bear

Are the unforeseen moments anywhere,

Something I see or something I hear

Reminds me of you again, my dear.

Tears start in the eyes and a lump in the throat,

Like the time on our holiday there on the boat.

When we saw the whales surface and dive in the sea,

That's when I felt you were so close to me.

'Time heals' is something that people will say,

But not for me yet, as I go through each day

With the familiar ache of heart and mind

A backdrop to daily life I find.'

 

And yes, now looking back 9 years after writing that, I can say time DOES heal that raw pain so that you can remember the good times with a smile not tears.

 

[Nardi Rowe]

How lovely and how well said Sue?  I am truly sorry for your loss.

[Maria Trench]

Thank you everyone for such kind replies. Jennie, I fortunately have a great faith in the spiritual world and do know she is around me-and it does console me at times- but mostly I just want her like I knew her....I think the shock of the speed of her death is making it harder. Her normal self 1 day, collapsed the next and gone 2 days later. Very shocking. We didnt have any time to reconcile the idea that she may go. Ironically if I was ever upset, she would be the one to console me. Sue, what meaningful words. Thank you. So sorry for the loss of your Grandson.

[Eunice Marott]

I haven't been on the site for ages and was taking a break and read about your loss. We all grieve differently and losing your Chloe is no different than losing a friend or family member.

It will take time, time does heal but you will never forget her. Our Cherie died in Feb 2010 quite sudden from a brain tumor. My previous IS was 15 when we lost her but I accepted that because she was quite old it was expected. When we lost Cherie I felt cheated and so sad because she was ok and then sick and gone (not quite as quick as your Chloe).

I felt so lonely and cried for weeks. One day I saw an add in the local paper for IS pups and that is how we have our Molly. I must admit through if I lost Molly I really do not know what I would do because she has spent so much time with me since I have been home. She sits with me, sleeps on our bed and everywhere we are she is. I was working full time when i had the other two IS.

Talk as much as you like on the site and to others there is always someone who will listen to you. What you need is someone to listen to you and how you feel. I feel that when you lose them at a younger age it is harder because you feel cheated.

Take care..... Eunice  

[Lynn Spencer]

Maria, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  I don't know what else to tell you, except that it takes time & a lot of it. 

 

We lost our beloved English Setter Megg in October 2010 very suddenly & I still miss her every day.  Our lives, or my beautiful Irish girl Tess's life will never be the same again.  My two girls were baby puppies together & they were inseparable, adored each other & were best friends. 

 

I wish I had some advice for you on how to feel better but I don't.  I know with us, that time has helped a little but we never forget those pups of ours who have been so special & so loved.     Let the tears flow.  I know I have cried bucket loads & still do after almost 16 months.    Again, I am so sorry.  Chloe was very much loved. 

[Lesley McRoberts]

Hi Maria

I am so sorry to read of your loss and your pain. They leave such a hole in our hearts when they leave us. I am grieving for my beautiful wonderful Hattie who I lost three weeks ago. She was only three and was diagnosed with osteosarcoma seven months ago, despite amputation and chemo she left me far too soon and to say that my heart is broken does not seem enough. I know how you are feeling and send you every sympathy and I believe that they are running happy and  free some where very close - waiting for us.

Every tear is a lovely memory.

[Jeff Lonowski]

Maria,

I lost my best friend, Rocket, a Weimaraner, on December 10, 2010. I still consider that day the worst of my life. I had my ear to her face and heard her take her last breath. We decided to put her down to ease her suffering from a spinal condition that left her unable to rise from lying down. I literally had to carry her up and down the house for over the last year of her life. But the last moments were wrenching and awful and I relive them in the small hours of the night when I awaken. Those are the worst moments. And they continue 15 months later. Nothing has helped me come to terms with my loss, same as you. Maybe it's OK to not come to terms with it. I experience a lot of guilt even as I'm now raising two new dogs, as my happiness with them feels like I'm forgetting dear Rocket. But that will never be the case. I can't forget my best of all friends - and never will. One thing that has helped some: I now volunteer at our local humane society to help other dogs find good homes and good families. In some way, by giving dogs in need a better life, my love for Rocket can be passed on. But my pain has not eased, and don't make your pain worse by feeling that you're pain has not eased yet either. You'll live with it. Embrace it for without your precious Chloe, you would not have known such profound love in your life. Chloe made you a better person. Now run with it...